Here we go again

It's always the same story with me. I never know what I want to be in life. I change my mind more than I change my underwear, as my mom would say. There is just so much pressure coming at me, but I think it's just all in my head. Everyone is supportive of me no matter what I do. My mom and Dannon's opinions mean the most to me and they have always been behind me 100% with each career path choice. It doesn't make sense as to why I am so stressed about things now. 

For a while now I was sure I wanted to pursue the forensic science route. I did all my research on the career and even applied to an FBI internship for this summer. Now I'm not sure if I was who they were looking for anymore. All this new doubt has made me start rethinking my plans again. Teaching has been a recurring idea for me. I've always dabbled with mentoring and this semester I taught a non-major biology lab and really enjoyed it. I just don't know. I feel like I have worked so hard in one direction already that it would be a shame for me to change lanes at this point. I won't know what is right for me until I try it and I'm afraid that by that point it will be too late for me to go back and try something else. 

And on top of all that, I am worried about what my mentors will think. Will they think I can never make up my mind? I've already set the groundwork for applying to graduate school and even asked my mentors for references which they agreed to happily. With all these thoughts about waiting a summer at least to see what I really want out of life, will they rescind their support? As a McNair scholar it is understood that I am going to grad school and they hope even so far as to get my phD. But now I just don't know. I am so unmotivated to start school all over again right now. I need a break, but I don't think I can afford one. 

What I want is to follow my mom's advice; come home for the summer (with or without that FBI job) and figure out what to do. Do I want to finish applying to grad school for forensic science? Do I want to become a science teacher? Should I just work in a lab for a while until I get my life togther? Do I want to get married to Dannon already? Does he? I have to figure this all out soon. 

Wish me luck.

Ugh, I sound like a brat. I have so many things in life to be happy about and yet here I am talking about what is wrong. I have so many special people in my life, but they are all off doing new exciting things with their life. I feel like I got left behind in a way. It's not fair of me to say that, but it is how I feel sometimes. I want to wake up everyday and be excited about what is to come instead of spending my whole day in a trance only to look forward to sleeping alone in my dark room with my cats. Wow. That sounds waaay more pathetic than I thought.

sigh... If I could be absolutely anything it would definitely be Angelina Jolie's BFF. THAT would be a perfect life for me. Either that, or a professional PAID hobo where I do nothing but sit my ass down and watch movies all the time....hmmm. NOTE TO SELF: investigate new possible career as movie critic.

My babies

So I haven't posted about my cats yet and I think that is silly of me considering they are my life pretty much. I have three of them right now. Two black brothers, Charlie and Boo, and one female peach striped cat, Elsa. The brothers were captured behind Walmart only 3 months ago. Elsa was found lost and nobody reclaimed her. We think she had an owner because she was just so friendly and unafraid of everyone, while the brothers took a long time to adjust to human life. Elsa joined our family only a month ago, but Charlie and Boo have made her feel welcome and now they are all inseperable. Just watching them wrestle and chase around makes me so incredibly happy. Sometimes having three cats can be overwhelming, especially since I live with two other girls and have a broken knee. A lot of people whom I love have told me to get rid of them and focus on school, but I just can't. I am waiting for someone to adopt them to a nice home. 

They are such smart cats. Only 6 months old and very quick witted. Charlie is the larger of the brothers, but behaves like the youngest. From the very first day he wanted to cuddle all over me while Boo was too timid and hid from me for weeks. He is very social and loves to have every part of his body touched. There is no spot he won't allow to be pet by anyone. He purrs loud and long whenever he is around you. Secretly, he is my favorite and I want to keep him.

Boo mostly likes his head and neck, but hates when you touch his tummy and will show you with a little nip.  He purrs all the time, but it is so quiet you would think he never does. He is a very shy cat who takes a while to warm up to you but when he does you know it. He hates to be away from me and loves my roommate even more.

Elsa is a strange thing. Her favorite thing in the world is to be surrounded by strangers all in a circle and alternate between their brief pettings. She doesn't like being held for more than 5 seconds. She will just jump out of your arms once her time is up. She is a purr machine and will start the instant you touch her head.  She closes her eyes when she is happy with you. She is the lady and acts accordingly, flirting with each of the brothers equally. My favorite thing about her are her eyes. She has the most crossed eyes I have ever seen. You get used to them, but at first they make you laugh. :)

They are my happiness and the reason I look forward to each day. I just hope someone takes them who loves them as much as I do. They deserve the world.

In it to win it

I survived this summer of research. 

Classes have been going alright. Almost done with undergrad. Feels pretty awesome. I am definitely ready to leave this place. 

Tonight I have another McNair research presentation to give to the University of Alabama. I'm not worried. It's the same material, just a different audience. No biggy.

Katie and George are still not here with me. It gets lonely, but I have my roommates and we have alot of fun together.

In fact, the only thing that is cool in my life right now involves our apartment complex. There is a contest for November to see which apartment can use the least amount of energy. The winner will recieve $100 for each roommate ($300!). We have really committed to this contest and have vowed to live without electrical light for at least all of November and continue in future months if we start to love the candlelit lifestyle. It's only been 2 days without light and so far we are doing great. Our apartment smells better than ever. The cats like chasing the flickers on the wall.  Cassandra even bought an oil lantern! It's pretty awesome. I know we have this. Basically, we are in it to win it!

Procrastination

It is because of procrastination that I have created this blog. Never had a blog so I figure I might as well give it a go.

I don't have anything to say this time, so I just added a photograph I took in Cozumel, Mexico. The quality is horrible because I wasn't allowed to take this photo without paying around $5. I am indeed a rebel.